What Part Does Sacrifice Play in Your Marriage?

by | Jun 24, 2024 | self-examination

SELF-EXAMINATION – SACRIFICING FOR OTHERS  (Day 2 of 7)
(Need to start at the beginning? Day 1)

Take the day and consider where and when you have been a bit self-sacrificing, especially with your sweetie.

I’ve given this considerable thought because of the marriage focus of what Paul and I do. I chose Paul as my spouse (a covenant relationship for life), so I hold him and our marriage in high esteem. When we have our differences, personal sacrifice is on the table as an option. Thankfully, most problems have a creative solution, but sometimes sacrifice comes into play. (I will actually share my chocolate.)

sharing chocolate

Is self-sacrifice an easy thing for you to do? Are there places where you don’t have much give? What makes it easier to give a little?

I had a neighborly visit.

wandering turtle

We chatted for a bit (he wasn’t much of a conversationalist) and then he wandered over to the pond for a swim.

 

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Image credits – giving chocolate © Syda Productions / Adobe Stock, wondering turtle © Lori / Doing Marriage Well
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For Love

by | Jun 23, 2024 | concept

CONCEPT – SACRIFICING FOR OTHERS  (Day 1 of 7)

Paul has always struggled a bit getting to sleep. I fall asleep when I close my eyes. Common sense and general kindness means we do what makes it easier for Paul. As long as I get my eight hours, I don’t really care what schedule we keep.

I struggle working in the heat (probably from my years of living and working in the Texas heat, I’m so done with that) so I do most of my outside work in the morning or late afternoon when things cool off. Paul is kind enough not to ask for significant help outside in the afternoons (now and then he needs a two-minute extra hand).

This sort of thing is pretty understandable. We bend to each other’s needs and wants. It’s kind and rather practical.

My question today is how do we apply this sort of thing to emotional, relational, or spiritual issues in our marriage (and other relationships)?

couple talking

If one of my friends bothered Paul, we’d have a discussion about it and try to find a way for me to keep my friendship and give Paul space. Nothing wrong with meeting a friend in a coffee shop. If he held concerns, I would meet with that friend safely (more discussion) or consider dropping the friendship.

I think this is where I’m going with this. When do you sacrifice for your spouse over those things that are more emotional, relational, or spiritual?

There are plenty of scriptures about putting others ahead of yourself or sacrificing for another’s good.

In part, I’m talking about balancing healthy individual needs/wants and being willing to let something go out of love for your spouse. (If this happens over many things, it’s time to get third party help, but in the normal scope of life this sort of thing comes up now and then.)

Give this some thought today. Where do we “give up our rights and privileges” as a way of serving our spouse (and others)? Where is it a healthy Kingdom thing to do? When and where can it become unhealthy?

Linda, the other MIL on our property, gave me some borage starts.

borage with blue flowers

They’re great for pollinators and will have blue flowers when they bloom.

 

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Image credits – couple talking © Toa Heftiba / Unsplash, borage © Annette Meyer / Pixabay
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From Good to Great

by | Jun 22, 2024 | let's chat

SATURDAY MORNING COFFEE CHAT

Paul and I were having brunch with a couple of friends, and the conversation turned toward the concept of growth, both personally and in marriage.

Good is good (I’m really being brilliant here), but sitting on good may not be the healthiest choice. Little steps of growth keep your “good” life and marriage healthy and strong, and can even move you toward “better” and then “great”. (And who doesn’t want a great marriage?)

growth graph

Just wanted to encourage y’all to stay invested in learning and growing. Over the long haul, it does make a difference.

I’ve had a fun month celebrating my birthday (with a few days yet to go). I thought I’d share about a couple of gifts I received because they’re cool. 🙂

art dice game & compostable bags

My DIL (ever the game person) gave me Art Dice. You roll the dice and it randomly gives you parameters for an art project. And a friend gave me some BioBag compostable food storage bags. I’ve been wanting to go with less plastic.

 

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Image credits – graph © Isaac Smith / Unsplash, art dice game & biobags © Lori / Doing Marriage Well
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Assume Good in Your Marriage

by | Jun 21, 2024 | conclusions

CONCLUSIONS – ASSUME GOOD  (Day 6 of 7)
(Need to start at the beginning? Day 1)

I was a little surprised to find more negative moments than I expected. I’m celebrating my successes (you can always pause and go for a redo), but I’m going to work more on assuming good first thing. Certainly, with God on the throne, I can make room for others and trust Him to teach and guide me.

caring couple

How did y’all to? Especially in your marriage, were you able to give your spouse the benefit of the doubt, ask a question, or just offer grace when they flubbed up?

My grandkids (with a little help from their mom) made honeysuckle jelly.

honeysuckle jelly

How cool is that? Can’t wait to taste it.

 

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Image credits – caring couple © fizkes /Adobe Stock, honeysuckle jelly © Sarah / Doing Marriage Well
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See Them as Individuals

by | Jun 20, 2024 | second try

SECOND TRY – ASSUME GOOD  (Day 5 of 7)
(Need to start at the beginning? Day 1)

How has your practice gone? What did you find easy? Difficult?

Let’s take another day of watching our thought life and moving toward assuming good. See if you can reinforce success and work through any difficulties.

individual

I find when I take the time to see people as individuals, I do better. I’m more likely to see options, and less likely to unkindly lump them into groups like “he’s being an insensitive guy”.

One of my quail roosters is not doing his job, so I had to do an additional quail hatch to up my number of quail.

newly hatched quail

Here they are at just a few days old. Quirky little things.

 

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Image credits – individual © GamePixel / Adobe Stock, newly hatched quail © Lori / Doing Marriage Well
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What Color Are Your Glasses?

by | Jun 19, 2024 | road blocks

ROADBLOCKS – ASSUME GOOD  (Day 4 of 7)
(Need to start at the beginning? Day 1)

What keeps us from assuming good in others?

I have a history of abuse, so it’s easy to see bad even when there is no bad. I have to work to take off my abuse-colored glasses.

colored glasses

There are good, decent (and imperfect) people all around me. I can trust God to give me wisdom and discernment. I can look for the good.

Though it does take energy and effort to make room for the possibility of good. It’s much easier to assume bad and get offended. It takes a bit of self-control too. You have to pause and reorient your thoughts, consider other options, or ask a question.

What makes it harder for you to assume good in others?

We have a chicken moat!

chickens in moat

It’s a double fence around our garden that opens into the chicken yard. The chickens wander in the moat gobbling up bugs and the double fence keeps the deer from jumping into the garden and having a snack. (Yes, the potatoes have a bit of freeze damage. We had a late freeze and the new growth got burnt. They’ll bounce back.)

 

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Image credits – colored glasses © Pexels from Pixabay, chickens in moat © Lori / Doing Marriage Well
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