One thing our family of origin sets for us is how we deal with conflict. Do you deal with it immediately, or wait till it’s really bad? Do you avoid it at all costs, pretending it’s not there? Do you fight things out in front of the children, or do you seek privacy? Is the goal to work out the situation, or to win at all costs?
Is the silent treatment a way of dealing with problems? Or with problems not resolved the way you would like? What about passive-aggressive behaviour? If things are discussed, it is done calmly? Is there yelling? Is arguing and walking away with no resolution common?
Some of these ways of dealing with conflict are unhelpful or unhealthy; others are not. There is no single best way to deal with conflict, so you and your spouse may have valid but different ways of doing it. This leads to additional problems every time you have a conflict. Instead of dealing with the issue, you can get stuck on how to deal with it.
Think about your family’s way of dealing with conflict. Ask your spouse to do the same. Then share what you learned growing up, and discuss how you think the two of you could best deal with conflict.
~ This is Paul, reminding you that different does not necessarily mean wrong.
With the warmer weather, Tilly is outside more. When she needs a nap but isn’t ready to come in, she gets up on the roof.
This is by our door, undercover, and the perfect place to look down on humans as good cats do.
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Lori Byerly
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