The last three days I’ve just scratched the surface of how our family of origin effects who we are. They have a profound effect on how we relate to others, and especially to our spouse and children.

I encourage you to spend some time thinking about this the next few days. How did your family dynamics differ from other families you have seen? Were those differences positive, negative, or just different? And have those differences resulted in any tug-of-wars in your marriage?

Spend some time with your spouse talking about your families of origin. Ask questions, and dig a bit. Look for places where your families differed from each other; these are potential friction points.

Discuss your no goes. If one family screamed when they argued, and the other spouse can’t deal with that, then that needs to be avoided. I know couples who both scream, and they walk away feeling fine. I don’t get it, but if it’s not a problem for either of them, then it’s not a problem.

Other common issues that can stem from our family of origin are things like being on time, versus being early, neatness, what respect means and how it is shown, and who does what chores around the house. Often there is no issue of right and wrong, so you have to work to find what works well for the two of you. If either of you cares a lot about something, odds are you should go with that way. And yes, that could mean you do more one family’s way.

Finally, there are usually more than two options. Doing it differently than either of your families did it might be the best choice. Don’t just think outside the box, get outside of it and find ways that are right for you and your spouse.

~ This is Paul, reminding you that every marriage is different

Tilly always looks guilty.

Especially when we find her in odd places.

Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Lori Byerly
Shop Amazon ♦ Shop to give links page
We’re donation supported Thanks for your help!
This post may contain affiliate links, see my disclosure for info.