A loss of trust is one of the most destructive thing a marriage can face. It’s also one of the more difficult things to fix. If you don’t trust your spouse, you don’t believe anything they promise. What’s more, their actions are suspect, and you have to see consistency for a long time to feel sure you can trust change.

Sometimes anything you say makes it worse, and you just have to give it time.

If you find your marriage in a place of broken trust, patience is critical. The one who broke trust must understand that impatience or nagging only get in the way of healing. All too often, the one who violated trust expects their spouse to “get over it” far faster than is reasonable. He or she is sure they have changed, and expects their spouse to somehow know that. Even if you really have changed, how would your spouse know that? It’s not like they can trust your word. This is even truer if this is not the first time you have violated trust in a big way.

Another thing the trust breaker must understand is that breaking trust in one area makes us suspect in all areas. This may not be fair or accurate, but again, there is no way for the one who has been violated to know that.

There are times when the violated spouse gets stuck and nothing the other does makes a difference. If this continues for a couple of months, the couple needs third party help. Mature friends might be able to help, but you may need to seek coaching or counselling.

~ This is Paul, and it’s better to not break trust in the first place.

For more help, I suggest the Gottman Trust Revival Method. It’s written for those who are struggle with infidelity, but it works for other kinds of broken trust.

Another picture from my hike. 

Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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