In-laws can be a blessing. Or a curse. When I say in-laws, I mean all of his and her parents, and stepparents.
Some in-laws are just mean. And while we think of it being aimed at their son or daughter in-law, it can also be aimed at their adult child.
There may be a honeymoon period, or it could be nasty from day one. Some parents do okay until the couple has children; differences on how to raise children are a common issue.
It’s important to address in-law problems early, before it becomes entrenched. You need to show a unified front, but it’s critical for the spouse with the problem parent(s) to take the lead. Make it clear the behaviour is unacceptable, and will not be tolerated. If the issue is attacking or insulting your spouse, make it clear you have chosen your spouse over your parent, and will distance yourself if they can’t act better. Then follow through.
God tells us that we are to leave our parents and cleave to our spouse. That is not about physical distance, it’s about our emotions and loyalty. If you don’t leave well, you can’t cleave well. If your spouse is not first, your marriage is in big trouble.
If you’re old enough to be the in-laws, please, please, PLEASE be amazing. Unless there is abuse going on, smile and shut up. Be supportive. Keep “suggestions” few and loving. Never bad talk your child’s spouse, and be kind even if said spouse is, in your estimation, a jerk.
If your spouse is being that kind of in-law, tell them to knock it off. I know several folks who are not allowed to see their grandkids, and for the most part it’s justified.
If you deal with your adult kids in a kind and loving way, you will all be happier. They might even turn to you for advice. And they won’t worry about you loving on your grandkids.
~ This is Paul, reminding you that honouring your parents doesn’t require putting up with bad behaviour.
This is (part of) Whiskey, the dog on the property.
Whiskey is on a mission to eradicate our ground squirrel population. And I’m okay with that.
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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