So what does false peace look like?
It’s saying “It’s okay” when it’s not okay. It’s dismissing a problem as “No big deal” when in fact it’s cut you to the heart. False peace attempts to cover the symptoms of a problem while ignoring the real issue.
Some examples:
- Hubby is always late, and it drives you crazy. But you tell him it’s fine and you understand.
- She overspends to the point you’re in danger of bankruptcy, but you never say a word because she will get upset.
- You have a serious problem with one or more of your spouse’s friends, but you force yourself to accept them.
- Your spouse is messy to the point of creating a biohazard. Rather than speaking up, you do way too much cleaning, and make sure friends don’t come to your house.
Out of a desire to bring true peace, Jesus disrupted the false peace all around Him. He refused to ‘spiritualize away’ conflict. ~Peter Scazzero
If we want real peace and health in our marriage, we must disrupt the false peace. The issue of course is the turmoil that comes from challenging the status quo.
If you’re guilty of false peace, own it. Tell your spouse the thing you have been pretending is okay is not okay. Tell them it hurts you, and it’s getting worse. Try to keep the initial conversation about you. You will be identifying the problem, but do your best to not dump on your spouse. Give them time to think about it.
If nothing changes after a couple of weeks, then it’s time to have discussions about the issue. In the interim, decide what you need for real peace.
~ This is Paul, reminding you that Doing Marriage Well looks different for every couple
PS: Yes, there are men who over spend, and women who run late!
This is Tilly running down a post. She puts her back to the wall and down she goes.
The image is blurry because we had been gone all day, and she was ready to be inside, so she was moving fast.
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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