Today I want to speak to the ladies, because I see common gender issues when dealing with false peace.
Men tend to take what their wife says at face value. If she says it’s fine, then it’s fine. He either ignores, or more likely doesn’t hear the strain in her voice or see the tension on her face. Men are generally not as good at empathy, and they miss things every woman in the room would see. If you have said or thought “He must know” please understand there is a very real chance he has no clue. He’s not ignoring your pain, he honestly doesn’t see it.
BTW, telling your girlfriends the truth about how you feel is not going to help hubby see the truth! I’m all for wise counsel, but if you get help from others who make the same wrong assumptions you make, all you’re doing it strengthening your wrong beliefs.
The other thing is, husbands often practice false peace over sex. Even men who don’t do it in other areas may do it here.
There are a couple of reasons for this:
- He is conflicted about his sexual desires. Maybe he knows porn has messed him up. And society has messed him up, telling him all men are potential sexual monsters. He’s not sure if what he wants is okay, so he downplays or hides his real desires.
- He is afraid of losing what he has. Sex is not what he wants, or as often as he wants, but he fears that if he pushes for more his wife will get upset and the end result will be less.
Given you are more emphatic, if he is engaged in false please over sex, you probably have some clue. If this is the case, don’t let him keep living in that. I realise you may have no desire for change, but false peace always hurts a couple in the long run.
~ This is Paul, warning you that Doing Marriage Well sometimes looks different for men and women.
Lori and I had an hour to kill in town before we met friends for dinner, and we found this place:
They get cats from the local shelter and set up adoptions. The cats play in a large area with toys and cubby holes, and you can set up time to hang with them. They have placed over 2,000 cats in five years. And the coffee was good!
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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