As I mentioned on Wednesday, sex is often wrapped in false peace.
In part, this is because many of us find it difficult to talk about sex. We’ve been taught to be ashamed of the sexual parts of our bodies, and what we do with those parts. That shame can also keep us from being honest about what we want, enjoy, and need sexually.
Additionally, we’re dealing with a boat load of lies from both society and the Church. It’s no wonder confusion is so common.
A very common version of this is the husband who says “I need sex twice a week” when he knows full well he will be frustrated with anything less than every other day. He says twice a week because he thinks he might be able to get that. Or because he thinks every other day is too much. If his wife takes him at his word and does what he has asked, he will be frustrated with her, but won’t be able to voice that. He may take his frustration out on her in some other area, or become distant.
Avoiding false peace means being honest, even when that honesty is difficult or seems pointless. For example, let’s say a wife really wants her husband to do oral on her, but he steadfastly refuses. If she tells him it’s okay, that’s false peace. If she tells him she is disappointed but will stop asking because he’s made it clear it’s never going to happen, that’s not false. It’s less comfortable for both of them, but the truth is always better.
As with other parts of marriage, sexual false peace does far more harm than good. It may be difficult or embarrassing to deal with the truth, but it’s necessary if you want a good marriage.
~ This is Paul, who wishes Doing Sex Well wasn’t so difficult.
We spent several days earlier this week on the west side of Washington. Friends invited us to the tulip festival. We drove over with the friends and came back on the train.
This is some of the tulip fields, with Mt. Baker in the background.
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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