There’s too busy for sex, and there’s too busy for good sex.
Aside from the obvious issues, being too busy for good sex is a warning sign. It means you’re way too busy, and your marriage is suffering. Not your sex life, your marriage.
I am focusing on good sex here. You can have bad sex even if one of you would rather not, gets nothing out of it, and just wants to get it over with as fast as possible. Bad sex is bad for your marriage, and should be avoided.
Having time for good sex means more than having enough time for plenty of foreplay followed by whatever you both desire. Having good sex requires an emotional connection. That means you must have time to talk, time to play, time for non-sexual touch, and time to relax together. You can always squeeze in some bad sex, but good sex is time intensive.
I’m not a fan of quickies due to time pressure. It encourages bad habits, establishes bad patterns, and leads to resentment. Most women can’t orgasm from a quickie, even if they start out aroused. And that’s not fair to them.
If a lack of time keeps you from having sex as you would both like it to be, I suggest you come up with a stop-gap solution while you make more time for your marriage. That could be giving each other manual sex, or masturbating together. Quickies just for him may satisfy him enough that he is not motivated to make the changes required to allow the couple to have good sex.
~ This is Paul, reminding you that Doing Sex Well requires doing marriage well first.
A waterfall we saw on our trip.
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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