Marriage is not what it was in the past. We can bemoan that, or we can deal with the reality of it. I favour the latter. What’s more, for the most part, things are, or can be, far better today.
Eli J. Finkel, author of The All-or-Nothing Marriage: How the Best Marriages Work, says the primary function of marriage from 1620 to 1850 was food, shelter, and protection from violence. Then from 1850 to 1965, the purpose revolved around love and companionship. And today, he says the function of marriage is achieving greater self-fulfilment, self-discovery, and personal growth.
These changes are a result of how life has changed over the last few hundred years. In the past, a single woman had very few options, and none of them were good.
Because of this, some women who didn’t want to be married got married. And some who would have liked to get divorced, did not. While marriage was a good thing for men, all too often it was the lesser evil for women. You can imagine how such marriages faired, and I doubt anyone wants to go back to that.
What you want from your marriage is not what your grandmother or grandfather wanted. And what your spouse expects from being married to you is not what their mother or father expected.
Think about your parent’s marriage, and how your hopes and desires differ.
~ This is Paul, reminding you that Doing Marriage Well looks different from how is used to.
Tilly has reclaimed her rightful spot.
For the moment, growling at Widget keeps her at bay.
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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