This week we’ve been talking about helping your spouse with self-discovery, personal growth, and self-fulfilment. Does applying that to sex sound a bit scary?
As followers of Jesus trying to be in but not of the world, we are in a very strange place sexually. The world says anything goes and tells us to chase our pleasure. Meanwhile, the church is somewhere between hesitant and repressed with regard to sex.
Finding what we want and enjoy sexually can be difficult. Wives tell husbands “you just want that because you saw it in porn” and husbands tell wives “you’re only opposed to that because of what happened to you”. And while both of those have merit, some of what he saw in porn he would have wanted without porn. And some of what happened to her with a pushy boyfriend, or something worse, she would have not wanted even without those events. But neither of you know what is what.
As far as God is concerned, if it’s just the two of you, no one gets hurt, and you’re both okay with it, then it’s probably okay *. What others might think about it is irrelevant.
The best way to find what works for you as a couple is trial and error. Take small steps. Discuss what you tried later. Is it something both of you would like to do again? Might a small change make it acceptable or better? Apply generous amounts of grace and see it as a lifelong journey.
~ This is Paul, reminding you that Doing Sex Well looks different for every couple.
* Resource: What’s Okay, What’s Not – A biblically based look at what couples can do in bed.
I am back from a few days in Bend, Oregon for a church leader’s gathering.
I do love me some snow covered peaks!
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
Shop Amazon
We’re donation supported Thanks for your help!
This post may contain affiliate links, see my disclosure for info.
