This week we are looking at differences. Today, introvert vs extrovert.
This subject is not as simple and straight forward as you may have been told. In addition to introvert and extrovert, there is ambivert. Ambivert is often described as somewhere between the other two. As an ambivert, I see it more as a blending. The description that showed me this is what I am was that this kind of person would be happy spending the day in a coffee shop working on their computer, with limited interaction with others.
Estimates suggest the majority of us are actually ambiverts. Myers-Briggs and other personality tests ignore ambivert, which means many have been misinformed about their veritsm.
Beyond the ambivert option, there are subtypes of introvert and extrovert. (See below for links on that.)
In the context of marriage, the issue is making room for what your spouse needs. It’s rare for two strong introverts or extroverts to marry. This is probably a good thing, as a mix of the two tends to be better for each person. Please learn the needs your spouse has because of their vertism.
Introverts need quiet alone time to feel sane. Even if they work and play well with others, alone time is critical. My introvert wife says I have learned to “fly under the radar” and being with just me usually counts as alone time. On occasion, I give her just her time, because I know it’s good for her.
Extroverts need to be with people to feel alive. Some require this more than others. Some need a crowd, while some are okay with a friend or two. If your spouse is an extrovert, they must have contact with others to feel good. And you need to help them make sure that happens.
Ambiverts tend to be flexile. They wouldn’t be happy never seeing others, and probably don’t want to spend the entire day in a big crowd. But odds are whatever works for you will be good with your ambivert spouse.
~ This is Paul, and Doing Marriage Well requires understanding and making allowances for differences.
Resources:
- 9 Signs That You’re An Ambivert – Forbes
- What Does It Mean to Be an Extrovert? – Health
- What Is an Introverted Person? – Health
This picture is from a driveway cam one county west of us.
I post it today because we got word that three cougars had been seen on the road in front of our place. So the kids and the animals are in and all the guys are carrying guns for a couple of days. This used to feel weird to me, but now it’s just part of living where we live.
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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While it may be rare or unusual for a couple to both be introverts, but my wife and I are. On the Briggs scale even as a pastor I score 25 on the Briggs scale. It has worked well for us. And we are celebrating our 50th anniversary this week. Oh, we are not that old. I tell people we got married in the cradle. In reality though, the reason we have been married this long and had a good marriage is because we have kept Christ #1 in our individual lives and in our marriage. That is truly the key. I have learned that when an issue arises between my wife and I, especially if I become offended, it is not because of her, it is because God is showing me something in my life that needs to be dealt with.
@John Delcamp – We worked with a couple like you. They said they were basically happy, but never went anywhere. I suspect being a pastor would deal with that.
I agree that Christ as the foundation is the key!