A couple more places where couples tend to differ. These two are linked to some of the others I’ve mentioned, but as they are common problem areas, I want to discuss them.
How we handle money is a biggie. Usually a spender and a saver end up together, and how money is handled can become an ongoing fight.
Spenders tend to be sensation seekers, while savers tend towards risk averse. Understanding this can help us treat our spouse better over the issue. What we feel about money is rooted in how God made us, and attacking that is both wrong and hurtful. Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University is a great resource for this because he talks about the different ways we deal with money, and how a couple can deal with that.
Then we have the messy versus the neatnik. A large difference on this one can place a great deal of stress on a marriage.
We do need to realise that both of these tendencies can go to unhealthy levels. Hording is a mental health issue. Likewise for obsessive cleaning. At extreme levels, these things will need to be addressed by the appropriate professional.
At saner levels, understand that this is one more way of being who God made us to be. Messy is mentally painful for those who tend towards neat. But messies need a “lived in” feel. Studies have shown a messy environment can result in greater creativity.
If you and your spouse are at far ends of the messy/neat continuum, you will both need to sacrifice. I suggest you each have your area that is what you want and need. Areas you share need to be a compromise, leaning towards neat.
~ This is Paul, reminding you that Doing Marriage Well means accommodating.
Widget has plenty of toys, which my neat wife keep putting in the crate. But her favourite play thing is an empty milk bottle.
In the mornings, she often carries it as she runs the length of the house a dozen or more times. Hey, whatever burns off puppy energy is fine!
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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