Sexual differences can be a source of great frustration in marriage. And most couples have some such differences.
Much of what I’ve talked about this week plays into sex. For example, the sensation seeker probably carries that into sex. However, they may not realise that desire is playing out in sex. I think some men chasing more sex actually desire more variety. If that’s the case, quantity is never going to give them what they want.
If one spouse wants vanilla and the other wants banana splits, finding a place in the middle will be necessary. That means one holds back, and the other pushes past their comfort zone on occasion.
As with all aspect of our lives, our upbringing, and past experiences are a significant factor. These things can be particularly powerful in our sexuality, and can deform what God created. If you were taught your genitals are dirty, or sex is bad, that’s had an effect. You might still be living as if those things are true. Or you might have rebelled against those things by becoming promiscuous or engaging in certain acts just because your mother would be appalled if she knew.
Porn also shapes us, creating or enlarging desires. It can also turn us off to something we would have enjoyed if we’d found it on our own in marriage.
You and your spouse need to discuss your sexual differences. But first you need to verify what you think you want is based on who God made you, rather than outside influences. Sounds like it’s time to pray and reflect!
~ This is Paul, and Doing Sex Well can be confusing.
The yellow irises are blooming, and the purple are about to!
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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