Right vs Well:
For much of human history, going against the norm was dangerous. Everyone was dependent on their small community. Being different meant being ostracized, expelled, or burned at the stake! And there was good reason for this. When life hangs in the balance, different could cost the whole community. If farmer Brown decides to try a radical new way of planting, and it fails, the community may not have enough food for winter.
This is no longer our reality, but it’s still our instinct to fear those who are different. Get too far from the tried and true, and you will get push back, and folks trying to pull you back to “normal”.
Some react to this by going out of their way to be different. But being different just to prove others don’t control you is actually letting others control you!
Family of origin is a microcosm of enforced behaviour. There are ways things are done, and you’re expected to toe the line. Some families are far worse about this than others, but it’s always there to some degree. Family norms can be a difficult thing to buck. A good attitude to have is, “I’m glad that works for you. But what we do works better for us.”
Some of what is considered normal, is what works well for most. So don’t just toss everything. But some of what is normal doesn’t work for some, or even most. Maybe it did once, but no longer does. Or perhaps it was never really good.
Explore different carefully. Look at one thing at a time. Try various ways of doing marriage, and be willing to go back to where you started if you don’t find anything better. Also realise that what works will change as your life changes. Keep examining and changing as needed.
~ This is Paul, telling you that Doing Marriage Well requires intentionality.
Last fall, a friend let us try to propagate her blackberry bush.
So far, four of six show life. This one is the best of the batch. A lot of fruit is iffy here due to late frosts, but berries do very well.
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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