The third-biggest problem in our survey was a lack of sexual variety. Forty-seven percent of men and 19% of women listed this as a significant problem in their marriage. Ten percent of men and half as many women said the issue threatened to end their marriage.
Complaints about variety don’t generally mean “I want something different every time.” Usually it means, “I want something different from what we do every time.
When a woman wants “more variety” it often means what the couple is doing isn’t working for her. Either she doesn’t climax, or she struggles to do so. With age, this can also be an issue for men. As bodies change, what worked for decades may no longer be what’s needed.
For men seeking variety, it’s more likely an issue of boredom, or not doing something he strongly desires. It may also be an attempt to deal with a lack of frequency.
Variety can be a tricky issue. If it doesn’t involve others, which includes porn, and doesn’t cause harm, it’s probably not sin. But if your spouse finds it gross, uncomfortable, or a turn-off, expecting them to do it is unreasonable. On the other hand, if your opposition to something is in your mind, the loving thing is to try and get past that.
~ This is Paul, reminding you that Doing Marriage Well can run into our preferences
“Can I rejoin the pack?”
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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