The fifth-biggest issue in our survey was “Sex Feels One-sided”. Nineteen percent of women and 30% of men saw this as a major issue in their marriage. Only eight percent of men, and one woman, thought the issue could end their marriage.
This issue tends to be different for men and women who experience it. The reverse of each may exist, but they are rare.
HER:
When women say sex feels one-sided, they mean he is enjoying it and they’re not. It’s possible the husband is just selfish, but honestly, this is not common in a Christian marriage.
Some men and women, think sex is just for, or primarily for, men. In fact, a recent study found most women today feel this to some extent. One thing that plays into this is the half-truth that women can enjoy sex without orgasm. I call that a half-truth because while some women do SOMETIMES enjoy having sex without climax, other women feel frustrated, cheated, and unloved when they don’t orgasm.
Another cause of one-sided sex for the guy is history. Early on, she struggled with sex. She could not climax, or felt it took too long, or feared he was upset by the effort. So she focused on sex for him, and it became their habit.
Wife, is you want sex to be better for you, speak up. Don’t assume hubby knows and is selfish. Assume he is unaware. Don’t attack or blame him, tell him you want sex to be more and talk about how to make that happen.
HIM:
When a man says sex feels one-sided, he is unhappy that it seems to just be for him. She may or may not climax, but she never seems to want or enjoy sex. She goes along, usually with no passion or real involvement. “If you don’t take too long” is not something any man wants to hear when he seeks sex!
This feeling can be real or perceived. If you enjoy sex but don’t tell him that, he may fear the worst. He needs you to tell him, during and outside of sex, that you enjoy making love with him. He wants you to thank him for your orgasms, and let him know when it’s especially good.
When a man feels sex is one-sided, it’s far less enjoyable for him. Many men stop accepting “just for you” offers because while it deals with their physical need, it leaves them feeling even worse emotionally.
Bottom Line:
No one wants or enjoys one-sided sex. It’s an unhealthy activity that hurts a marriage.
~ This is Paul, reminding you that Doing Sex Well means you both enjoy it.
The grandkid’s cat had kittens.
Lori wants them all.
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
Shop Amazon
We’re donation supported Thanks for your help!
This post may contain affiliate links, see my disclosure for info.
