So how do you give your spouse what they really need?
Ideally, you could just ask them. And I suggest you start there. But some folks won’t talk about what they need, and plenty of us don’t really know.
Gary Chapman’s book The 5 Love Languages is an excellent tool for learning the broad area where your spouse needs to be loved. However, if you read the book or took a 5 love languages test years ago, I recommend you do it again. As we grow and mature, things can change.
In addition to not being sure what we need, we may not know how much of something we require. Imagine you grew up in a very poor place. You never had enough food, were often hungry, and had no idea when your next meal might be. You would have no idea how much food you required. “More” is not a quantity. What’s more, you would also think about food ALL.THE.TIME.
Because of needs not meet when we were growing up, most of us have places where we are like that starving child. We know we require more, but we have no idea how much we need. And we’re overly focused on the need because of years of not having it met.
Sometimes what we think is a huge need is not as big as we think. If we get enough for a while, it settles into place where it belongs. So, for example, if you never heard “I love you” growing up, you might want to hear it a hundred times a day when your spouse starts telling you. But over time, as the need is satisfied, you find that a dozen times a day is plenty. You still desire it, but not nearly as much.
~ This is Paul, reminding you that Doing Marriage Well looks different for every couple.
Sunset driving out of Spokane.
God’s art work is spectacular!
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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