This week, I want to suggest it’s all about you.
But not in a good way. I want to talk about the problems in your marriage that are a result of you. I’m not suggesting your spouse is perfect; after all, this post is aimed at them as much as it is you. But human nature is to deny our responsibility and find ways to blame others. Adam did it. Eve did it. And you do it too, even if you work to not do it.
So this week, let’s look in the mirror. Let’s consider how we effect, for good and for bad, our marriages.
One big thing we choose and control, is our choices.
We choose to be understanding or difficult, kind or grumpy, and helpful or not. We can give grace or attack. We decide to be faithful or to cheat. It’s our decision to do the things our spouse wants and needs from us, or we can withhold what they desire.
When we make bad choices, it’s common to excuse ourselves or blame someone else. We think “You made me mad” or “I was frustrated from driving home in horrible traffic”. We tell ourselves, “I’m not usually that way” or “They got what they deserve”. Or, we justify our wrong behaviour because we’ve been wronged or cheated.
Sometimes we make the same bad or wrong choice so often it becomes a habit. At that point, we are not fully in control. But we can choose to regain control and be better.
~ This is Paul, and Doing Marriage Well is all about you.
Raspberry season is here!
We will be picking daily for a few weeks. What we can’t eat fresh, we freeze for the smoothies we have for lunch.
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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Undiagnosed autism yet celebrating a 10th anniversary. She’s burned out. I have very strong evidence of autism spectrum disorder. I’ve lived one lifetime as an undiagnosed individual so there are tons of trauma responses and depression and anxiety issues that come with this. I need some fresh hope as to how this is going to change. _I already know_ I’m the whole problem, but I haven’t “fixed it” yet. I also have a lot of… legalistic beliefs I’m fighting from my upbringing. My social caste and autism symptoms combined are very isolating. Why does the church in the US as a rule have to be so upper-middle-class centered? I struggle to see the difference if it’s my socioeconomic status or my symptoms that keep me isolated.