This post may seem the opposite of what I’ve been saying this week, but stick with me.
While we are 100% responsible for the choices we make, the reality is others can cause us to do or not do things. Matthew 18:6 says we can cause others to sin. 1 Kings 14:16 and other passages talk about how the sins a king caused Israel to sin.
If your spouse hurts you or sins, it’s not all about you. But odds are you played a part.
This is not blaming the victim. It’s asking each spouse to look at what they may have contributed to a situation gone wrong. Be honest, if you wanted to anger your spouse, couldn’t you do so easily? They should ignore what you would say or do, but none of us do that perfectly.
When a man or woman cheats on their spouse, at some point in the healing, we must ask the wronged husband or wife to consider what they may have done to contribute to the sinful choice. This does not change what their spouse did, or what they need to do to fix things. But if the wronged spouse contributed to the problem, they must deal with their part.
When the cheated spouse refuses to even consider they might have some part in a problem, the marriage is probably over. On the other hand, when both spouses are willing to be honest and make needed changes, the marriage can end up better than it was.
The same dynamics are true for smaller, less destructive difficulties.
~ This is Paul, and Doing Marriage Well means accepting your part in any difficulty.
It’s bird musical chairs time!
The new chickens are outgrowing the brooder. So we have moved the quail to new cages, and will clean up their cage for the chickens. Then we move the turkeys outside, making even more room for the chickens.
And on it goes.
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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