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If your car failed to start, would you jump out and check the pressure in the tires? Would you scrub the windshield clean of every last speck? Or maybe vacuum the interior?
Obviously, none of these is going to fix whatever is keeping the car from starting, and no sane person would think any of those things would help.
But some folks do this very thing in their marriage; working on things that have no chance of changing a situation they dislike.
If your car wasn’t starting, and you saw the tires were low, then you would have identified a real issue. If the windshield was so messy you would have a hard time seeing the road, that too is an issue that needs to be addressed. But fixing those things won’t get your car running.
If we are upset about a specific marriage problem, we need to work on that problem. We could spend a lot of time and energy working on something that can’t change what is really bothering us. We feel we’re doing something. We might get upset our spouse won’t join us in working on the issue. It may or may not be something that needs work, but if it can’t fix what is really upsetting us, it’s a waste of time. And if you get upset at your spouse for not dealing with something that can’t fix what is bothering you, that’s unfair and probably confusing.
~ This is Paul, warning you that Doing Marriage Well takes clarity.
Silver lining?
We get gold!
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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