Podcast: https://bit.ly/4mbyqNC

Today, a couple of more reasons you may not know what problem you need to deal with to make your marriage better.

I mentioned expectations created by culture yesterday. A subset of that, which can be very difficult, is what our parents taught us about how husbands and wives are supposed to be. Of course, most of that teaching was not intentional; you picked it up by watching how they treated each other. And those lessons predate what you remember, which makes it difficult to see it clearly.

One variation of this is deciding you won’t do any of the things your parents did because they had a poor marriage. But that risks throwing the baby out with the bath water.

Another issue is how your past makes you look at things. If you were horribly betrayed in a past relationship, or have been betrayed by a number of people over the years, you may suspect your spouse when there is no reason to do so. If you think the problem is they are not trustworthy when they are, working on that issue will never make you feel safe. Instead, you need to work on your inability to trust. In this case, the problem is not a marriage issue, it’s a personal problem.

There are a number of ways folks misjudge their spouse because of their past. The misjudged spouse has little chance of changing their partner’s mind. It usually takes a third party to give that clarity. A mutual friend, an older couple, or a coach can help.

~ This is Paul, and Doing Marriage Well requires seeing your spouse correctly.

The chicory is blooming. It seems to come out of nowhere every year the end of July.

The roots can be roasted and used as a coffee substitute. 

Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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