Podcast: https://bit.ly/45eTldh
So, how do you make your spouse feel heard?
First, let’s talk about what it means to feel heard. Just hearing our spouse’s words does not mean we’ve heard them. Being able to parrot back the words doesn’t mean we have heard them.
Being heard is about our hearts. It means our feelings, fears, wants, needs, and desires have been heard and understood. It goes way beyond being able to repeat the words. It doesn’t require agreeing. You can hear and disagree, and that’s way better than feeling unheard.
Repeating what your spouse said in your own words, and getting confirmation you got it right, is a good start. But the real goal is to understand what is behind those words. Why does it matter to her that you take her out regularly? Why does it matter to him that you sometimes initiate sex? What drives her need for more conversation? Why is he so desperate to share leisure activities with you?
When you know the why behind the words, you can really fulfil your spouse. You can go beyond acting out what they have asked for, and give them what they desire in a rich variety of ways. In doing this, you will give your spouse the rare blessing of feeling fully heard.
~ This is Paul, reminding you that Doing Marriage Well looks different for every couple.
Aldrich Minsties’ Fall e-letter is out. Check it out for new offerings, including an annual marriage check up, something I have long advocated.
The sunflowers are starting to bloom. We got them in late, but they will have time to ripen.
Behind them are some chickens in their moat.
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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