Podcast: https://bit.ly/3HcfWOt

You may have noticed I have said your spouse needs to FEEL heard. This is about his or her perception.

I’ve never been a fan of the statement that perception is reality. Perception is subjective, shaped by individual experiences, biases, and interpretations. Perception can be inaccurate or dead wrong. However, our perspective, flawed as it may be, is our view of reality. And arguing about your spouse’s perception not being right isn’t going to change their mind.

If your spouse does not feel heard, they have all the negative emotions that come with that. And that is hurting your marriage, even if it’s not true.

It’s our responsibility to find a way to communicate truth to our spouse. As that can take more than words, it could mean going outside our comfort zone. But if we don’t do it, they remain in a place of pain.

The other part of this is that working to convince them we do hear them may show us we don’t fully get the heart of what they say as well as we thought. 

~ This is Paul, and I’m glad that Doing Marriage Well doesn’t require agreeing on the colour of a pillow!

Speaking of blue or green, the line between the two colours varies a great deal between people. You can learn where you fall by taking the test at Is my blue your blue? My boundary is at hue 173, greener than average. For me, turquoise is blue.

A better picture of the chicken moat I mentioned yesterday.

The fences are four foot high, but close enough deer won’t jump in-between them. The moat circles the community garden. In addition to keeping out deer, this lets the chickens free-range, and they help keep bugs and small vermin out of the garden.

Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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