Podcast: https://bit.ly/4mbhBml
On Tuesday, I mentioned knowing the why behind your spouse’s words and desires. Why is a huge marriage issue, and I will probably do a week about it sometime.
Knowing why your spouse wants or feels they need something can change things substantially. For example, a wife felt untrusted because her husband wanted to be able to track her phone. When she learned he worries about her, and feels better knowing he can find her if she drives off the road in a snow storm, she felt loved and cared for.
The difficulty is why is not always easy to know. Often we have no idea why we feel strongly about something; we just do! Why often goes back to when we were children, possible before we have conscious memories. The women who felt untrusted by her husband wanting to track her may have defaulted to that because her parents didn’t trust her when she was doing everything right. The husband who felt a need to know where his wife is may have lost someone in an accident. Or he might have been lost himself for what seemed a very long time as a young child.
If you can’t explain why something matters to you, be honest about that. Do try to express how strong the need is. You can also share reasons you don’t feel as you do. Something like “It’s not because I distrust you” or “I don’t feel you are controlling” for example.
If your spouse can’t give you a why, be understanding of that. Good questions might help them figure it out, but don’t push if they get frustrated.
~ This is Paul, and knowing why makes it easier to Do Marriage Well.
My tape measure doesn’t have “elephant’s eye” on it, but the corn is getting tall.
We should be eating the first planting in a week or so. Yes, that’s a turkey in the background, upper left. I’ll get a better picture of them soon.
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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