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Being heard about sex is a big deal. Sex is personal, and we only share it with our spouse, and when we don’t feel heard about sex, it hurts.
Because men and women are so different sexually, not feeling heard may be the norm. What’s more, if one spouse is uncomfortable talking about sex, they may never communicate that they don’t feel heard.
I could give a lot of examples, but I will just do one for each gender.
Earlier this week, I mentioned in passing men wanting their wife to initiate sex. Most men feel their wife either doesn’t do that, or doesn’t do it nearly often enough. Usually the husband has been very clear he wants this, and when his wife doesn’t do it, he questions her interest in sex, and her sexual desire for him. He may also feel unloved in general because of this.
Many women feel the words their husband uses for sex are a turn off. It’s also common to feel some of what he wants is cheesy or disrespectful. Perhaps hubby has not gotten her hints about these things, but she feels she has stated her feelings, and his continuing to do these things makes her feel unloved and possibly used.
If you don’t feel you can do what your spouse wants, please make sure they know you have heard them. Try to understand the why behind what they want, and look for a way to give them the heart of what they desire.
~ This is Paul, reminding you that Doing Sex Well looks different for every couple.
The turkeys checking the hill for bugs
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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