Podcast: https://bit.ly/3UFPP5y
The “no news is good news” fallacy is common in couple’s sex lives. And all the things I’ve mentioned this week being behind one spouse not speaking up even though something is a huge issue for them are in play.
- She stops telling him a certain sex act puts her off sex because he just keeps asking for it, and she decides he cares more about that sex act than he cares about her.
- He doesn’t ask for as much sex as he wants because he fears he is “oversexed” and asking too much.
- One person never mentions something they really desire because they fear their spouse will think it’s wrong and be offended.
- If they got a no to something ten years ago, they assume the answer would still be no today.
Years ago, Lori and I were working with a couple dealing with various issues. He told me privately that he really wanted to try rear entry intercourse with his wife. Penis in vagina from behind, not anal sex. But he knew she would see him as perverted for such a desire. When I shared this with my wife later, she said this man’s wife had expressed a similar interest, and the same fear. We clued them in, and they found a new favourite way to have sex.
As for wanting more sex, both husbands and wives can feel this way. Most eventually ask less often. This does not mean they now want less sex, it means they can’t handle the pain of being told no most of the time. They accept their spouse does not love them enough to met their desire, and this hurts their marriage.
~ This is Paul, reminding you that Doing Sex Well is usually the same things as Doing Marriage Well.
Widget is getting pretty good at catching a Frisbee in the air.
And it burns off a lot of puppy energy!
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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