Podcast: https://bit.ly/4mTCMtc
Today, I want to briefly discuss some basic communication tools every spouse needs to know how to use.
If you can’t communicate well, your marriage is going to be a mess. Some of the tools you need here:
- Active listening is a way of paying attention and making sure what you hear is what is being communicated. Active Listening Exercises: What to Do and Not to Do is a great overview from Tacoma Christian Counseling
- Using I statements and discussing our feelings allow us to discuss problems without assigning blame. For example, saying “You hurt me” suggests the hurt was intentional. Saying “I was hurt” does not do that. The first is going to result in defensiveness, while the second is far more likely to bring compassion.
- Asking open-ended questions is far better than yes/no questions. Aside from possibly creating a false dichotomy, yes and no answers don’t draw the other person out. Asking “why” is a very good way to go.
- Learning to pay attention to non-verbal cues will improve your communication. If you can catch stress or resistance, you can try to lessen it, or deal with it before it derails your conversation.
- Knowing when to walk away is important. If either of you gets agitated, positive communication becomes unlikely, and saying ugly things you don’t mean become increasingly possible. It takes at least 20 minutes to get past adrenaline, so a half hour break is a great idea when things get heated.
- Limit yourself to a single topic for difficult discussions. And stick to the issue, don’t pile on what you see as many other examples of the same thing.
~ This is Paul, and learning good communication tools will help you Do Marriage Well.
The book Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High is an excellent resource for better communication. It’s not specifically about marriage, but it applies well. It’s not Christian, but that is not an issue.
A part of today’s harvest
The cabbage is bigger than it looks, and the black berries are huge! (The large zucchini is for the chickens.)
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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