Podcast: https://bit.ly/3VrxGbR
Note: This post is aimed at the guys.
I know a lot of women have felt “empowered” by the Boundaries in Marriage book. I think this is because many women were raised being told nice girls go along. They say yes, not no. They are agreeable and easy to get along with. And Christian girls get it even worse, often being told this is how God wants them to act.
The truth is, God didn’t ask any of us to be door mats. And when someone does that, it hurts. It hurts until they are told they don’t have to be that way, or until they get so tired of it they stop caring. Or some combination of the two.
When you tell angry, hurt women, they can say no, it’s not surprising some take it too far.
Men, if your wife let’s people walk on her, it is your responsibility to do something about that. This is part of headship.
The first step is to take a long, hard look at your marriage. If your wife has been taught to smile and go along no matter what, there will be places she is doing that in your marriage. Odds are, you’re not even aware of some of it. And let’s be honest, you like that she does that; and your selfish nature doesn’t want to let that go. But it’s the right thing to do for her, and for your marriage.
Ask her what she wants. If she won’t, or can’t, tell you, give her choices. Leave out what you usually do because it’s how you want to go. Beyond that, tell her she deserves to have what she desires. Tell her that because you love her, you want to do things her way more often.
Next step in with family: your children and parents. Stand up for her. Champion her desires. Push back when folks try to run her over. Be her hero, making a way for her to do what she wants more often.
BTW, I am not suggesting you are horrible for having gone along with your wife always deferring to you. You were also taught some wrong things. That’s why doing something different makes you such a hero.
~ This is Paul, and Doing Marriage Well requires two people acting freely.
My tools have been in buckets and boxes for several years. I finally got some cabinets to get them organised.
Just sorting them out is a huge job. But it will be nice when it’s done.
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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