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This week, I’m going to rant about something I’ve been growing more and more aware of. And I will start with a confession.
As background, Lori and I have had a couple of rough weeks. We are dealing with two separate, difficult external situations. It’s taken a good deal of our time, but more than that it’s been emotionally draining.
On Saturday, Lori and I got into an argument about something small and stupid. It happened because we were both beat down and empty emotionally. But that is why it happened, it’s not an excuse.
As I washed dishes, much too loudly, I thought about what had happened. I worked to push past thoughts about how wrong and unfair Lori had been. I dug into my actions and motivations. I realised I had told her about something I’d done expecting her to thank me. No, not expecting. Because of my hurt, I NEEDED her to thank me. But because of her hurt she didn’t even understand what I was saying, must less grasp the need behind it.
And so, dishes done, I swallowed my pride and told her I was sorry, explaining what I had wanted. She also apologised, and we move on a bit less wounded.
What I realised is I was desperate to be acknowledged. In general, I get a good deal of acknowledgment from my wife. Because of what we’d been through, I was feeling more needy than usual, and she was less able to give. It was a perfect storm. Fortunately, God has taught us how to weather such storms and recover well. What might have taken days to resolve in the past took minutes.
What I want to examine this week is the human need to be acknowledged, respected, and valued. It drives us in powerful ways, both good and bad.
~ This is Paul, and Doing Marriage Well is way easier with God!
More rogue cows!
Our pond attracts them, the dogs invite them to go away. It took three days for the owner to get them out of the woods.
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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Similar dynamic with us last week as my wife came home from hospital after a TIA, with the backdrop of the additional ways I had shown up to care for her and pick up the slack at home.