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How much influence does your spouse have over you? If it’s not significant, something is wrong. Likewise for your influence over them.
When I say influence, I don’t just mean that you can make each other do things. Much of it is far more subtle than that. When you’re having a good day, your spouse should feel better about life. And when they’re having a bad day, it will tend to drag you down. You can bless your spouse like no other. You can also hurt them like no other.
This influence cuts both ways, and unchecked negativity can harm your marriage. When you’re married, your moods are not your own. When you’re grumpy, it hurts your spouse, even if you don’t grump at them. Likewise for anger, anxiety, and depression.
Everyone has down moments. We should do our best to keep those from influencing others. If you often struggle with negative feelings, that’s a marriage issue. You are no longer your own, you are now part of we. And that comes with responsibilities. That should make you all the more driven to deal with such things. If you can’t do it on your own, get help.
Like it or not, you influence your spouse. Use that power for good!
~ This is Paul, and influence is a double-edged sword.
Saw this at the local grocery store.
No idea how it tastes, but I love the name!
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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I’m beginning to see how severe my own trauma responses in turn cause trauma for my wife and children. I was undiagnosed with level 1 autism my whole life, so my symptoms and difficulties led to trauma responses and tons of wasted energy and hurt people along the way. It’s going to take ten years off my lifespan already and I’m reluctant to allow this to subtract more.
I want to break the cycle but I also have to accept that my emotional maturity is stunted and severely limited. I’m playing catch up every day of every week, while I see the harm in my behavior. I need help, and the very aspects of autism that require help also make the prospect of getting that help too daunting while I’m also trying to make ends meet on top of guiding, nourishing and protecting my bride.
@Joshua – Bummer on the late diagnosis.
I’d suggest starting with an online resource where folks like you gather. It’s a low pressure, easy way to start.