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Yesterday, I suggested that putting up with things from your spouse hurts your marriage. Tolerating habits can be a problem, but in many healthy marriages, there are things each spouse chooses to tolerate out of love. So how do you find the balance?
Healthy acceptance of things that annoy you is about making an intentional, well considered choice. It’s done out of love, balanced by your own needs.
Can you pick up his socks, which almost never make it to the laundry basket, without feeling like he is making you his maid? Can you smile and think about all the wonderful things he does? Or do you wonder what is wrong with him? Are you just giving up after telling him about it hundreds of times, or have you honesty decided it’s just not that big a deal?
Can you smile and enjoy her when she interrupts you with something unimportant, or will you be frustrated about it long after she is done? Are you lovingly engaging her desire to share every bit of her life with you, or are you just humouring her because you’ve decided you must?
Beyond that, how will it look ten or twenty years from now? Can you love and accept the behaviour for the rest of your marriage, or is it going to wear on you?
If you accept your spouse for who they are, both beautiful and broken, you can overlook a few things that annoy you a bit. But other things will be beyond that, and putting up with things that really bother you is not loving because if costs both of you in some way.
~ This is Paul, what each of us is okay with varies a great deal.
No? What do you mean, no?
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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