Podcast: https://bit.ly/46xCBOX

So you have identified annoying things you would really like your spouse to stop doing. They may seem small or silly, but they bother you enough it’s a problem. What do you do? What if you have put up with whatever for your entire marriage? Or you mentioned it in the past, but stopped.

If you are asking for a change to what your spouse has reason to think is okay, be up front about that. This is about you, not them. You are asking them to change because whatever is a problem for you.

My dear wife has recently approached me a few times about what she calls forty-year habits. Little things I do that she has never liked, but have never mentioned because of her issues (be nice, for one). She has grown to the point where she feels she deserves the changes she asked for.

One example is my not pushing in a chair after I use it. This most commonly happened when I pulled out a chair to put on my shoes. It’s a little thing, but it annoyed her. And I was happy to make an effort to change. She says I’ve done well. I know she would gently remind me if I forgot.

By calling it a forty-year habit, Lori is saying she knows it’s a well engrained behaviour. That grace makes it easier for me. It’s a nice way to express the need for change. Find a calm time, and select a single habit to address. Repeat as needed.

Of course, her doing this encourages me to do the same with her. And that’s great!

~ This is Paul, and little changes can have big impact.

New strawberry bed.

Rich in compost, and deer protected. Lots of strawberries next year!

Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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