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I mentioned in last Friday’s post that I rewrote it several times. The problem is I kept veering off into a rant. After thinking about that off and on for a couple of days, I have decided to air the rant today.
The rant started with, “Beyond all of that, most of us are putting up with a sex life that is a long way from what God wanted for us.” But that was a subpoint of the real problem, which is most of us are also putting up with a marriage that falls short of God’s intention.
I see it all the time. I see it in couples we work with, friends, and even couples I don’t know. I see husbands and wives who are not connected as they should be. I see them unable or unwilling to support and help each other. I see a lack of love, or love overshadowed by selfishness.
And to be transparent, I recognise all of that because I have done it to my wife and/or been on the receiving end of it. We were a hot mess when we got married. And while we have grown a great deal, we’re in no danger of being perfect in the near future.
Growing up, I was aware a lot of marriages were unhappy. I don’t know if I ever saw a great marriage, but I was 100% convinced it was possible to have a great marriage. I suspect God put that in my mind, and I certainly understood it would be impossible apart from Him.
Of course, once I was married, my own selfishness became a massive reality check. But I was still sure great was possible, and I wanted it enough to do what was necessary to get there. Sure, Lori would have to grow and change for us to reach great, but when I was honest with myself, it was obvious I was a huge part of the problem.
I’d say I was more than half the problem. My dear wife would probably argue that. Because we both felt this way, we both put more time and energy into dealing with our own stuff than pointing to our spouse’s stuff.
I don’t know when a great marriage became a joint goal for us. I know Lori thought I was crazy at first. But once we were both focused on having the best marriage we could, amazing things happened. It’s a process, but we saw some solid changes quickly.
I’m not sure where this will go the rest of the week, but my desire is for you to catch the belief God gave me: Great marriages are a real thing, and you can have one.
~ This is Paul, and Doing Marriage Great is possible.
Dog and cat and turkeys. OH, MY!
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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