Podcast: https://bit.ly/4q77z8w
Today I’m talking to the person who is trying to fix, save, or improve their marriage after their spouse tried and gave up. As this is primarily men, I will gender it that way.
First, you need to admit that your situation is of your own making. She tried, and you didn’t do anything, or didn’t do enough. You hurt her, a lot. She has given up, and that is on you. Telling her you understand this may be appropriate, but it’s more for you than her, and it’s not going to change anything.
Next, you need to figure out what matters most to your wife. What does she want you to change? What does she need that she’s not getting? Where does she feel neglected, ignored, or wronged? Odds are, she’s not interested in discussing this with you, as she had probably done so in the past. So you will have to try to remember what she has said in the past.
When Lori and I travelled by RV years ago, we met a happy couple with an interesting story. A few years earlier, he had realised he’s blown it. He figured she was going to leave him shortly, and he didn’t blame her. But he knew he would want to marry again, so he decided he was going to work on himself so his next marriage would be better.
As he started to become the kind of man a woman wants as a husband, his wife noticed. And when it seemed to be a real change, she responded. He was on his second marriage when we met him, but it was with the same woman who almost walked out of his first marriage.
I think this fellow was able to make big changes because he was doing it for himself. He wasn’t looking for his wife to respond; his metric was being a better man who could be a loving husband a wife would enjoy.
If your wife has given up, nothing you do is going to make a difference at first. It probably won’t make a scratch for a number of months. But if you can keep at it, eventually you can win her over.
~ This is Paul, and Doing Marriage Well is one-sided at times.
Removing the blocks from the old strawberry beds to make more room for the turkeys.
No, Tilly is not supervising. She’s looking for mice I’ve disturbed.
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
Shop Amazon
We’re donation supported Thanks for your help!
This post may contain affiliate links, see my disclosure for info.
