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Do everything in your power to make your marriage great. Give them anything within reason they say they want. ~ Me, last week.
So what does “within reason” mean?
My first thought is things Jesus told us about dealing with people in general. We are to go the extra mile, turn the other cheek, and forgive seven times seventy. The bar is set rather high, and if we’re to do these with people we may not know or care about, how much more should we do for the person we love most in the world?
But we are not called to be doormats. So how do we find the balance?
I’m all about providing what my wife needs to feel safe, sane, comfortable, and loved. Because I love her, I am willing to give and do a great deal to ensure those things. However, I should consider what it costs for me to do what she says she needs. Additionally, I need to receive from her.
If I don’t want to give my wife something she wants from me, the vital question is why don’t I want to give it to her? Will it bankrupt us? Will it take more of my time than I can reasonably give? Will it harm me, physically or mentally? Am I doing all or most of the giving, and has that been going for a while? All of these are valid reasons to say no.
On the other hand, am I holding back because I have allowed myself to become too busy? Am I grumpy because of work or other things that have nothing to do with my wife? Am I being selfish, controlling, or manipulative? Am I denying her because I feel she has denied me? None of these passes muster with God.
God calls us to radial giving, extraordinary generosity, and not holding a grudge. If what my wife wants is within my power without hurting myself, then I should give it.
It’s difficult to give, especially when life is tough. But it’s the right thing to do, and it can turn a marriage from bad to good, or from good to great.
Yes, if it’s one-sided for a long time, that’s a problem. But doing unto your spouse as they have done unto you is not the answer. Give as you should, and get help.
~ This is Paul, and Doing Marriage Well sometimes calls for sacrifice.
Got a shot of the trees and clouds playing with moonlight!
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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