Podcast: https://bit.ly/47ewIW4
The most valuable thing about a marriage coach is he or she is an objective third party with no dog in your marriage fight. This is especially true if neither of you knows the coach prior to coaching.
None of us sees ourselves as we are. We may tend to justify things we do, while being too harsh about what our spouse does. Or perhaps we’re too hard on ourselves, and too willing to let our spouse’s wrongs go. Both of these get in the way of a better marriage. An experienced coach will see these issues, and help you see them.
A coach can also help you and your spouse find common ground. A third party can help you sort through the hurt feelings, fears, and anger to get to the real issue. A coach can suggest one of you is being unfair. They can also point to places where one of you is missing what the other is saying or feeling. Sometimes the coach does not immediately understand what the disconnect is, but they can tell the couple is not on the same page. This then allows the couple to work on the issue.
A coach can provide a safe place to say scary or difficult things. Or to sound out feelings that are not fully understood by the one expressing those feelings. A good coach will perceive when one spouse is getting overwhelmed, and can help the couple avoid flooding or anger.
Working with a married couple who coach together is good because you get the benefit of both a male and a female perspective. The female coach can help explain the wife to the husband, and the other way around for the male coach. It’s also easier to call BS on the same sex spouse than the opposite sex one.
If you work with a husband and wife, you may do some one-on-one with the same sex coach. But most of the coaching will probably be the four of you.
~ This is Paul, reminding you that Doing Marriage Well looks different for every couple.
Some of our carrots got rather large. (That’s a full size shovel.)
The outside was fine, and the woody cores went to the rabbits. We got over 100 pounds (45 kg) of carrots, most of them now freeze-dried.
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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