Podcast: https://bit.ly/3Lk1eGO
I mentioned yesterday that many tossed out the word codependent in discussing couples who are close and spend a great deal of time together. So let’s address that.
Being codependent means you need another person to function. You can’t make decisions alone, can’t “adult” on your own, and fear of abandonment drives your choices.
Compare that to healthy interdependence, which means a couple chooses to be together a great deal. They provide mutual support while maintaining their individuality, autonomy, and self-esteem. It means you make each other better. You’re not just better as a couple than you would be alone, you’re better as individuals than you would be without each other.
Codependence means you can’t do life alone. Healthy interdependence means you can do life alone, but you don’t want to.
I spend so much time with Lori because I enjoy her. I love sharing my life with her, and having her share her life with me. I value her input, even when she challenges what I think or do. And because of that, I have become a far better man than I would have been without her.
I missed her while she was gone, but life went on. I moved some fruit trees and bushes. I put up some drywall and altered a counter to make room to move the chest freezer into the house. I went to a native heritage dinner with friends. I spoke at church to introduce a new missionary we are supporting. And yes, ladies, I left the kitchen clean, and emptied the trash.
I don’t like adulting without my wife, but I am fully able to do it. My wife is my partner, not my crutch.
When a couple is codependent, one spouse becomes a caretaker, sacrificing their own needs and well-being for the other. One dysfunctional person requires the other to function. The caretaker does what they do because of their own dysfunction, finding worth and value in being needed. If you find yourself in such a relationship, please get professional help.
Codependence is a real thing. But it’s become a psychobabble word that gets thrown around by folks who have no idea what it means. In a world where many couples are not as close as they should be, those who have a solid relationship may be called codependent from time to time.
~ This is Paul, and life is better with a loving spouse!
Here are the dancers and story tellers from the native heritage dinner.
The tall fellow centre back is 77, and has been doing this since he was nine. The young lady is eleven, and this was her first performance.
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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