Podcast: https://bit.ly/3WPBNzl
Moving back to motivation this week.
What motivates you to do what you do during the holidays? Do you spend a lot of time with family? Do you attend every party to which you are invited? Do you enjoy most of what you do, or do you feel obligated?
There are certainly times when we should do things we don’t want to do because it’s the right thing to do. But doing something because someone will be upset if we don’t is not doing what’s right! It’s giving into emotional blackmail and perpetuating an unhealthy dynamic. And it may well cross into codependency.
If you think your motivation is to do what God would have you do, and your spouse agrees, then go for it. If your spouse feels differently, you need to talk through that. If your motivation is keeping the peace or placating, I would suggest you need to make a change. I realise if you’re in this situation it’s likely a family dynamic, and most of us can’t change those quickly or easily. If you don’t feel you can change it now, flag it, call it what it is, and agree to work on it later so you won’t be in the same place next year.
If you’re doing this with friends, ask yourself if this is the kind of friends you want. Is there give and take, or are you always or almost always the one doing things you don’t want to do?
If your motivation is to keep your job, or not lose position as work, that’s a bit different. If not playing company politics hurts your income or future promotions, you may not have a choice. But please be honest about why you are attending. Be honest with yourself, and with your spouse.
Finally, have you been making assumptions about your spouse’s motivation regarding what you do during the holidays? I suggest an honest talk where you both express your motivation and any reservations you have.
~ This is Paul, and Doing Marriage Well during the holidays can take some extra work.
Freeze-dried mashed potatoes.
Each half gallon jar holds what started as 3½ pounds of potatoes. Should reconstitute just like store bough potato flakes.
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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