Podcast: https://bit.ly/4oAZfwk
Today’s internal motivator is purpose, the desire to contribute to something larger than yourself.
I see this at play in people all the time. There are some groups that commonly struggle with not having purpose:
- Retired folks: After decades of working nearly half your waking hours, what do you do when that’s gone?
- Mothers whose children have all entered school. The kids still need her, but not as much. All those school time hours can feel empty.
- Those who become disabled or chronically ill. When you can’t do what you did before, how do you contribute?
Purpose is why we get up in the morning. It makes us part of something beyond and bigger than ourselves. Without purpose, life can feel empty or not worth the effort. Depression, irritability, and withdrawal from loved ones are common ways a lack of purpose plays out. Or it can lead to things such as substance abuse, affairs, or reckless behaviour.
I find this motivation to be right and biblical. God intended us to be involved, a part of things. Even before the fall, Adam and Eve were caretakers. They had a job, a reason, a purpose. This desire is part of how God made us, and when it’s not being met, it makes us feel useless. And that’s bad for us and for our marriage.
There are plenty of opportunities if you’re willing to volunteer. I’m on the board of directors for a local food bank. A friend of mine drives the truck making food pickups. There are plenty of needs at our church. If you don’t live in the boonies as Lori and I do, there are things you could do for your neighbours.
A word to the guys: most women have changing stages of life which result in a longstanding purpose becoming smaller or ending. Ignore or downplay this to your own detriment. Support her finding a new purpose, and be ready to make changes to allow her to follow that purpose. And wives, the same happens to men when they retire from work.
One warning on the other side. What gives us purpose makes us feel good. If we have difficult areas in our life, it can be tempting to ignore those areas and put more time and energy into what gives us purpose. If your marriage is difficult, throwing yourself into your job will make you feel better. But it will make your marriage worse.
~ This is Paul, reminding you that Doing Marriage Well looks different for every couple.
Bringing home the bacon!
A friend raised a pig for us for the cost of feed. We picked it up from the butcher today. We are at about $4 a pound (1.8 kg), including 12 pounds (5.4 kg) of bacon.
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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