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It’s better to admit you walked through the wrong door than to spend your life in the wrong room.
I saw that online recently, and thought, YES!
That wrong door could be a job you took, a friend you made, or a major purchase.
I’ve known plenty of folks who went through the wrong door who refused to admit the error. For some, it’s pride. Others don’t realise it was a mistake until they have invested a good deal of effort, and they don’t want that to have been a waste. For some it’s fear of change, even if where they are is unhealthy. And then there are those who stay put due to social pressure.
There are those who spiritualise it, saying “I’m sure God lead me through that door” even as being in that room is destroying their life. When you put it on God, you can’t reverse the choice without admitting you missed God.
If it’s a door you and your spouse went through together, you have twice the pride involved. You also have the making of a major disagreement if one of you wants to exit and the other doesn’t. Non-judgemental communication and patience are needed when this happens.
There is one big exception with this issue, and that’s for marriage.
Years ago I was at a church where an associate pastor got married to a long time member. More than a few folks felt it was a mistake. The Sunday the couple was on their honeymoon, the pastor addressed the issue brilliantly from the pulpit. He said, “No matter what God’s will may have been before they got married, His will now is for them to have a good marriage.” He went on to say it is also God’s will for the congregation to pray for that, and do anything they can to make it happen.
How many of us missed God’s will in terms of marriage? Many of us, probably most, were listening first and foremost to our own hearts when we got married. If you were 22, “in love” and your hormones were running wild, hearing God was likely not possible.
Maybe you were in God’s will, and maybe you missed it by a bit. Or by a mile. But when you said “I do” you create a covenant that is sacred to God. Only death and a few things, such as adultery, abuse, and abandonment, change that in God’s view.
Was your marriage walking through the wrong door? Perhaps. But once you were there, it became the room God wants to you live in for the rest of your life. The door is locked, there is no going back within God’s will. Commit to making the room a great place for both of you to be. Get help if necessary.
~ This is Paul, and following God’s will is Doing Marriage Well.
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Can you guide me to the scriptures that support leaving because of abuse? I get adultery and abandonment.
@Karin – There is no verse that explicitly says that. Christianity Today has an article that covers it well.
Beyond that, there is no verse that calls divorce sin. The issue is remarriage.
1 Corinthians 7:10-11 is instructive:
10 To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband 11 (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife. ~ English Standard Version
If she does, she is either to say single or return to her husband. Jesus gave allowance for remarriage when there was sexual sin, and Paul for abandonment.
To me the unknown is if a spouse leaves for abuse, is remarriage allowed. I can find nothing that says divorce and staying single is sin.
Of course, God always wants reconciliation. Sometimes hardness of heart makes this impossible. But I’ve seen marriages survive adultery, abuse, and addiction and become good.