Podcast: https://bit.ly/3XvL3Jq
Today, let’s discuss giving in marriage. Specifically, the giving of gifts.
Gifts is one of the five love languages, and it’s especially important for those with this love language. If gifts is your spouse’s love language, they’re not materialistic, they’re wired to feel loved through the receiving of gifts. But the giving of gifts should be an ongoing part of every marriage.
The monetary value of the gift is not the important thing, or at least it shouldn’t be. The real value is in giving something that the receiver wants or enjoys. Giving a gift that is perfect for your spouse says you’re aware of, and value, who they are. A $500 gift they don’t want means “You don’t know me”. A $5 gift that’s perfect, says “You see me”.
Some folks are difficult to give to. Sometimes that is because gifts are not particularly important to the person. For other people, the problem is they are looking to get too much from gifts. If someone is dismissive or upset about a gift not being enough, that’s usually a them issue. I knew a fellow who struggled every gift giving occasion to “get it right”. Less than half his attempts were seen as acceptable, and very few as good. And yet he kept playing a rigged game he could not win rather than having the difficult conversation he needed to have with his wife.
The person who values gifts by what they cost is another problem. Even if you have the money to do what they want, they won’t ever be as blessed as others would be by a pocket change gift that brings a smile. I knew a fellow working a full-time job making good money who got a night job to keep his wife in fine clothing. I don’t know what she was searching for, but clothing was never going to fill it. He would have done better spending his money on some professional help for their marriage.
Men are often warned against giving “practical gifts” for formal gift giving occasions. On the whole, this is good advice. But my wife will tell you the best Christmas gift I ever got her was a good quality vacuum cleaner. And I’ve known other women who are the same way. A minority, but they do exist.
Being good at giving gifts is all about being aware. What do they use that is getting worn out? Do they have one or two of something that they could use more of? What ads do they watch? Do they comment on what others have? And don’t wait for holidays; give little gifts for no reason.
For the ladies, I have a Gifts for Guys Guide. Sorry, I don’t have the same for the men.
~ This is Paul, and Gifting Well looks different for every couple.
Speaking of giving: If you want to give to our ministry, how about $8.99 – one of the amounts on our year-end donation form is $8.99. If you select that, and click to make it monthly, after fees Lori and I will get $100.00 in a year.
This is the early bird from our run of quail eggs. There are no worms, and she’s upset about that.
Actually, she’s lonely, and will cheep a lot until another chick hatches out.
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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