Podcast: https://bit.ly/4pOqrbo
As you think about giving your spouse a gift this Christmas, I’d like to suggest something different. Rather than giving an item, give an experience. There’s a lot of data on this, and experiences win out hands down.
If you ask people to rate how happy they are about money spent on activities versus things, they rate the two about the same shortly after the purchase. However, as times goes on, satisfaction with things goes down, while satisfaction with activities goes up. What we do becomes a part of us; what we buy does not.
I don’t think of things I’ve received with warm memories. But I do have great memories of Lori and me taking a helicopter ride into the Grand Canyon. I think fondly of the cruises we’ve done, the people and places we visited as we RVed, the Trans Siberian Orchestra Christmas concert we did with friends, fun restaurants we visited with friends, and the Christmas we spent on the southern Oregon coast when our son was 17.
We know a woman who gave her husband skydiving for his birthday. They flew up, and both jumped. She didn’t just give him an experience, she shared it with him. Talk about making a memory!
We used to take goodies to local fire departments on Christmas Eve. Once, when my wife, my son, and I did this for the EMS crew just down the street, they left on a call as we walked up. The building was unlocked, and empty. So we left the snacks without a hint where they came from. We still talk and laugh about that more than a decade later.
Experiences need not be expensive. You could go for a drive to look at Christmas lights. Use a search engine to find great displays in your area. Some lists even provide a Google Maps link to make it easy. Pack a Thermos of hot chocolate, or stop for coffee and pie at the end. Free community concerts or art exhibits are another option.
Doing things as a couple draws you closer. Common experiences give you common ground, and good memories. Research suggests novel experiences activate the brain’s reward centres, creating feelings of excitement and pleasure. When you experience these positive emotions together, you’re strengthening your bond. And you will have romantic feelings when you look back on it. You’re building a shared story, and that’s marriage glue.
What experience could you give your spouse? You could take dancing lessons or cooking lessons together. If you want to put it under the tree, do it as a gift certificate, or box with a token that points to the experience.
~ This is Paul, reminding you that Doing Marriage Well looks different for every couple.
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Three kids, two dogs, and a lot of snow!
Best of all, I can see them from the window by my computer.
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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