Podcast: https://bit.ly/44f7upQ
Do family and friends make the holidays difficult for you?
We knew a couple with five children who did a thirty-six-hour parade every year. They were expected to show up at every relative’s house, starting with lunch Christmas Eve and running til late Christmas night. And with some of those relatives hours away, it was a lot of driving. And, did I mention they had five kids?
Others do the party parade, trying to make an appearance at each one, even when several are at the same time.
If you and your spouse are really all about this, I’m not here to judge. But it’s rare to find a marriage where both are okay with this, especially after there are children.
If you want to get off the party/gathering circuit, you’ll have to take action. Tell folks you want to enjoy the season, and going to too many places has prevented you from doing that. Decide as a couple what’s reasonable, and inform people that’s what you will do. First, ask yourselves, “What would our ideal Christmas look like?” Then, “What minimum family time honours relationships without killing us?” Finally, tell folks what you are going to do. If you know you will get push-back, be ready and stand firm as a couple.
One option is to say something like, “We will be doing Christmas at home for the kids’ sake. If you want to drop in, we will have snacks from 10 AM to 4 PM and would love to see you.” Or, if you don’t want to host, offer another day, perhaps meeting at a restaurant. This is where leave and cleave meets reality, and doing it well shows your spouse and kids they matter to you.
If you are the older generation, please consider how your adult children may be struggling with this. Go to them if you can. A good way to make it easier is to gather a few days before or after Christmas. If there will be food, help with that. And please, don’t offer a guilt trip!
Beyond your marriage and your family, doing Christmas sanely is living out good boundaries. And that’s a gift that really keeps giving!
Speaking of giving, our year-end giving it going great, we’ve hit 25%! Can you help us hit our $10,000 goal before Christmas?
~ This is Paul, reminding you that Doing Marriage Well looks different for every couple.
Found and retrieved:
When the kids sled on the hill by our house, they remove and lose things. Widget gathers them all into a pile, and does not damage them. Good girl, Widge, good girl!
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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