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The holidays are, sadly, not great for everyone. For many people, the holidays bring depression rather than joy.

Some of that is based on the season. Most of us don’t do as well with less sunlight, and folks who suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder, a type of depression triggered by reduced sunlight, have it particularly bad. Using a Daylight Lamp for half an hour first thing each morning can make a big difference for many. Beyond that, good light in the rooms where you spend your day is helpful. Some really like candles, possibly for scent as well as the light.

But seasonal light isn’t the only culprit.

A more difficult issue is intruding memories. If you grew up in an unhappy home, the stress of the holidays likely meant the holiday season was even worse. Alternately, if you lost a loved one near Christmas, that can drag you down now. The sights and sounds of Christmas can bring on powerful memories and moods, and if Christmas past held sadness or abuse, the memories may not be good.

Dealing with that is beyond this post. If it’s significant, you will need professional help. Don’t ignore the issue after it passes next year; deal with it so you will be free of it next Christmas. If it’s really bad now, call 988, the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.

If your spouse is the one who suffers, you can make it less bad or worse.

• Complaining or telling them to just get over it are in the making it worse category.
• Encouraging them to get help is appropriate, but expecting that during the holiday season is not.
• Look for triggers, things that bring up bad memories or a dark mood, and do what you can to shield your spouse from those.
• Be quick to pick up the slack if they don’t do things they usually do.
• Be ready to do more with the kids.
• Provide “off-ramps” at social events.
• If your spouse says “You go without me” accept that as their desire. It’s not betrayal to do something festive without them.

Saying “I love you” is always good. So is “I’m sorry you’re going through this.” “Is there anything I can do to help” is also good. Please note I did not say “What can I do to help” as that carries an expectation. Work to find little things you can do to provide comfort. Make coffee or tea for them. Get them their favourite treats. Give shoulder or foot rubs.

Holiday depression and bad memories are no fun. But it’s part of “in sickness and health”. This is temporary, and things will get better. Be loving and supportive.

~ This is Paul, and flocked trees depress me!

The outside tree.

It stands about 12 feet tall near the main driveway. The kids love it!

Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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