Podcast:https://bit.ly/4oTrzcW
The holiday season can quietly harm your marriage. Not through one big crisis, but through death by a thousand small intrusions. One of the dangers of this season is that the busyness intrudes on your marriage. Perhaps that is unavoidable to some degree, but I suggest you be intentional about how much you allow it to happen. If you’re not proactive, activities will steal time that should be reserved for your spouse. This will hurt your marriage, and that’s not okay.
One potential issue is a difference of opinion about how much time you and your spouse need. And it’s not just total time; it’s how you spend that time. One may be okay with cutting back more on date nights and sitting together talking than the other. And one may be willing to cut back on sex more than the other. If either spouse was already frustrated about the amount of time devoted to what they want and need, any holiday reduction will really hurt.
As should always be the case, you must both be open and honest about your needs. When something is not being met, speak up. Don’t wait for it to get really bad, speak up as soon as you notice it. Be kind, but don’t let it slide.
Beyond busyness, the holidays bring situations that can interfere with your marriage. Here are some of them, and ways to deal with them.
- House-guests impinge on time and privacy, making it more work to get marriage time. You will have to make couple time a priority, and be willing to offend those who don’t respect that priority. You don’t have to justify or explain, simply inform.
- House-guests are especially hard on your sex life. You have to get to bed with both the time and energy for sex. One solution is morning sex. Make guests responsible for their own breakfast and use the time for cuddling, talking, and/or having sex.
- A lock on your bedroom door is a must with guests. Even if you have no reason to think they will walk in, it will make her more relaxed. A portable door lock made for travel can be used without any installation. I’ve seen them at both Walmart and Home Depot for under $25.00, and much less expensive online.
- Privacy in terms of sound can be a problem. This is especially true for sex, but can also be a problem for just talking. Cover noise can help. Put on an instrumental Christmas mix. You can also leave the home for couple time. Run to the store together, and talk in the car. Perhaps stop for coffee and donuts on your way.
- Grab a shower together. You have both privacy and cover sound.
- If you will have guests for a week or more and sex won’t happen at home, you could grab a hotel room for an hour if you are both down for that.
- Don’t think all or none. A few minutes talking is better than nothing. And a quickie is better than no sex. Don’t skip intimacy entirely because you don’t have time for proper sex or dates.
- If the problem is the kids being home from school, get a babysitter and send them to the movies. Or, if they are old enough, drop them. Guys, make it your job to drop and pick up so she can relax and get in a sexy frame of mind if that is part of how you plan to spend the time.
- Another option for children is to trade childcare with another couple for date nights, or even a sleep-over.
I’m all about hospitality. But I’m also all about marriage. Find a good balance. Your marriage won’t do well on autopilot during the holidays. But with creativity and commitment, you can protect what matters most.
~ This is Paul, reminding you that Doing Marriage Well looks different for every couple.
Queen Tilly is not amused:
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
Shop Amazon
We’re donation supported Thanks for your help!
This post may contain affiliate links, see my disclosure for info.
