Podcast: https://bit.ly/4qrweE4
Another out-of-the-box gift idea is to promise to work on something that bothers your spouse. But be aware this is a risky gift. Pulling it off could become one of the best gifts you ever give your spouse. But if you fail, it will become a big disappointment. Promising to change and then not doing it hurts. It also reduces trust.
So, if you are inclined to do this, please, please, please think and pray before you say anything to your spouse. Can you really do it? Are you going to stick with your commitment even when something unexpected blows up your life?
One great way to give this gift is to just do it without saying anything about it. Decide what you will do. You might even write out a plan. Then do it, and wait for your spouse to ask what’s going on. Or do it long enough and well enough that it’s clear you mean it, and then tell them what you’re doing.
What behaviour would your spouse really like you to change? Maybe it’s a bad habit. What do you not do that they would like you to do? What do you do rarely that they would like you to do more often?
So what might this look like practically?
If you’re messy and your spouse is not, being less messy would be a great gift. But set reasonable goals for yourself. Select areas of the house where you will fight mess with all you have, and areas where you will give yourself grace. Learn to avoid messes rather than getting better at picking things up in less than a week.
If your parents have been a problem for your marriage, determining to stop that would be a gift that would keep on giving. Do ask yourself if you’re up to the task. There’s a reason you have not pushed back before; are you ready to move past that, no matter what the cost?
If you’re chronically late, changing that would be an amazing gift. But again, are you up for it? Why you run late may not be about what you think. Are you ready to go down that path regardless of what you find?
And of course, there’s sex. This could be more sex if you’re the lower-drive spouse. It could be initiating if you don’t say no, but don’t ever start things. It could be deciding you will never again ask for or hint you want that thing your spouse doesn’t want to do. Or it could be ending your porn use once and for all.
Are you ready to give your spouse a gift they will treasure for the rest of their life?
~ This is Paul, and Doing Marriage Well can be costly.
Gotta sled while there’s snow!
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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