Podcast: https://bit.ly/49cdgtT

So here comes 2026, ready or not! My wish and prayer for every one of you is that 2026 will be the best year yet for your marriage. I will do what I can to help you on that, but the hard part is on you!

Lori and I are not very big on resolutions. At least not as most folks do them. Change is difficult, slow, and never a straight line. Changing your marriage is a marathon, not a sprint. This week I’ll do a few posts aimed at improving your success at changing.

One of the first things to investigate is why you don’t want to do whatever it is you are setting out to change. If you really wanted to do it, if you wanted it with your whole being, you would do it. You might need to learn and grow, but you would not be fighting an uphill emotional battle.

Often part of us wants the change, and part does not. If we’re trying to stop a bad habit, we get something we like when we engage in the activity. And that part of us doesn’t want to give it up. Sometimes what we get is hidden from us. We might stay overweight or keep dressing poorly because we don’t want the attention we might get if we change. Fear of what success might bring can be a big obstacle.

And then there’s the question of motivation itself. Trying to change for your spouse, with no personal desire to make the change, is far more difficult than when you want the change. Making a change for your spouse is loving, and it’s not a bad motivation, but it will be a greater struggle. Then there’s the danger of thinking they owe you for what you’re doing. If they don’t change, will you feel your effort was wasted? This can be a subconscious thing and can be a reason why you start well and then fall away.

As I suggested recently, it may be better to not announce a change you intend to make. Work at it on your own. If you do well, your spouse will notice, and that will make you feel good about your efforts and spur you on.

Caveat: If your resistance is rooted in trauma, addiction, or mental health struggles, you may need professional help.

~ This is Paul, and Doing Marriage Well will require change.

A few words on your year-end giving, which is now at $7568, or three quarters. We thank all who have sent donations and kind words. If you would like to help us reach our goal, you can do so here. Or you can send something by mail. US donations are tax-deductible and must be made or mailed by midnight on Dec 31st to count for 2025.

Finally got real cold.

Upper left is outside. Lower right is the hoop house. The bird barn was a toasty 51.4, while under the house where we stored potatoes it was 43.7. The other four are various areas of the house.

Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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