Podcast: https://bit.ly/4jilZj5
It’s all well and good to dedicate yourself to making marriage-improving changes. But life has a way of getting in the way.
Change takes effort, both mentally and emotionally. When your life is busy or stressed, making changes is far more difficult. When bad things happen, that also makes change more difficult.
Don’t ignore these things and just keep pushing on like nothing has happened. Making progress will be hard, and it will likely come at a high cost. Even more likely is burning out and giving up on the change. If you attempt it again at a later time, the “failure” will make it more difficult next time around.
Instead of giving up, pause. Try to hold any ground you have gained, but don’t push forward until life gets easier. That would mean not getting better but also not going back to how you were. Dig in and weather whatever storm is happening, then start fresh when the storm has passed.
But life stress isn’t the only obstacle. Sometimes the resistance comes from people. There are two forms of this: from your spouse and from others in your life.
If a change to make your marriage better costs others, they may protest. If you realise you spend too much time with “the boys” or “your girlfriends”, those people won’t be happy about having less of your time. If you tell them you’re doing it for your marriage, they may accuse you of being controlled by your spouse.
Pushback from your spouse seems weird. If you’re doing something for them, why would they oppose you? There are a few reasons this happens.
- They feel undeserving. Deep down, they may not believe they deserve better treatment.
- They feel guilty. Your improvement highlights areas where they know they’ve fallen short.
- They suspect strings attached. They may assume you expect something in return.
- Change itself is uncomfortable. Even good change disrupts the familiar. Sometimes we’d rather sit in something bad than deal with change.
- Your flaw is their excuse. What you’re fixing may have justified something they do wrong.
When friends or your spouse seem to oppose changes, do consider what they say. Then pray and work towards what you think God would have you do. If being right with Him is your primary goal, then what others think about a change won’t affect you as much.
~ This is Paul, and if change were easy, we’d all do it all the time.
Last week we took the grandsons for the annual meal out and tour of Christmas lights.
I think the pizza and ice cream were a bigger hit than the lights.
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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