Podcast: https://bit.ly/4q2FwGN
Today we talk about making sexual changes in your marriage. Oh boy!
The first thing you should understand is that your overall relationship with your spouse serves as the foundation for your sex life. You can’t build a good sex life on a bad relationship. And if you want a great sex life, you’ll need more than just a good relationship!
Often when a couple comes to us for help with their sex life, it quickly becomes obvious they have relationship issues that are limiting or hurting their sex life. Listen up, guys: if you want a better sex life, you need to work on your relationship.
I know how hard it can be to focus on non-sexual aspects of a relationship when you’re desperate for sex. The short-term workaround is to find a way to minimally deal with your sex drive while you focus on the relationship. This will be something other than what you both want long-term. And you may need third-party help to agree on a stopgap measure. Ladies, please believe that sexual frustration will impede his ability to work on the relationship, even if he is eager to do so.
I said earlier this week that trying to change for your spouse, with no personal desire to make the change, is far more difficult than when you want the change. That is especially true for sexual changes. Trying to make changes for your spouse can be loving, but it ultimately may not be enough. If you don’t get to where you want a better sex life, you will probably fail.
That said, fake it till you make it can work for your sex life. We’ve heard something along the lines of “I set out to make sex good for him, and now I enjoy it too!” plenty of times. When I say fake it, I don’t mean faking orgasm. I mean saying yes when you have no desire. I mean initiating when you’re not interested. I mean pushing your comfort zone a bit. I mean trying new things with an open mind. Caveat: this assumes any past abuse has been dealt with and your spouse is not abusive.
If you’re on the receiving end of this, with your spouse trying to make sex better for you, accept what they do with grace and appreciation. God created sex to be pleasurable physically, emotionally, and relationally. Even if your spouse is just doing it for you, these things can happen to them. That improves their sex experience and increases their desire to have sex.
Your sex life can only be as healthy as your relationship. A struggling marriage limits what’s possible in the bedroom. Even when the relationship is solid, sexual change tends to be slow at first, then gather speed as you continue. So don’t give up when it seems nothing is happening!
~ This is Paul, praying 2026 is a great year for your sex life!
I’m not sure if I am being loved or claimed.
When Widget moved over to me, Tilly moved down to be touching me.
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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